Hey, here is an email I recently sent a friend of mine...or should I call her a colleague. Its sad that I even have to have these discussions with people who are supposed to be my friends. I guess this is why you have to choose your friends wisely, and not allow common cirmcumstances choose your friends for you. Instead let the integrity of the person be your guide. And integrity is such a lost quality these days.
-Darlene
"You know Jesse, I know that you and I are not very close, but I am going to be sincerely honest with you about something. Its been very hurtful to me that I always hear about events happening either after the fact or in some other outside way. Like this event for example. I was not invited...and I am only now being invited because you mistakenly mentioned it to me. Its very, very hurtful to me. I don't blame you personally, but I do want to mention it to you because its so apparent in this instance.
I am not sure why I am being excluded from many events that our Asolo friends are having. I am not sure if its because I am not liked amongst the group. I am not sure if its because I have done something that has made the group upset with me. And I would really like to know why this is happening. I wish that someone would come forward and just be honest and tell me what I have done that has caused this type of reaction amongst the group. It would be alot easier for me to release these friendships if I could just pinpoint some reason why I am being excluded.
As it stands, I feel as if I am reaching out for all of your friendship but am being rejected. I call people. I email people. I invite folks out...and I rarely if ever get responses. And all I can say is that it hurts very much. I am not afraid to say that I am the type of person who needs love and support and friendship, and that I need to feel as if I matter to someone. As you know, this is a very difficult city to survive in. Its so blatantly apparent that we are only ever numbers here, and that no one really gives a damn about anyone else. That being said, I am a thousand miles away from my family and the only people who really care about me. So when I am not included in things by the few people I call friends in this city, it hurts all the more. And I can only wonder if you all really are my friends...or if you are merely colleagues. I can accept that you are only colleagues & buzz off, if that is the way that you all view me. And maybe I am being immature, or a bit naive or just overly sensitive...but I just want to express to you how I am feeling. Its hard. Very hard.
For that reason, I am going to have to turn down your invitation to attend this gathering. A long time ago, one of my mentors said to me, "Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated." And I believe that sentiment with all my heart. I do not want to be invited someplace because you mistakenly told me about it and now you are in some way obligated to invite me. I want to be welcomed with everyone. I want to be included with the group...and not invited as an afterthought. I appreciate your pity or kindness or whatever emotion it was that caused you to invite me, but I guess maybe that I am becoming a little callous now that this has been going on for a while.
And I really don't want you to feel attacked or like I am being cynical. That is truly not my intention. I just want to be extremely honest and forthright. And I feel as if I have to say to someone that I notice what is happening. Its not covert or secret. I have noticed for a while. I always hear about these things by some type of mistake...just as you mistakenly mentioned this event to me. So, have a nice time at your gathering. I am sure it will be wonderful, and all the pieces will be exceptional. I think that our group of friends is amazingly talented in ways that even we don't yet know or appreciate. I have always tried to show that I supported you all wholeheartedly & champoined your artistic endeavors. I wish that circumstances were different and that I was invited with the group, because I know that I would have had a blast hearing you all. But I cannot come to the gathering under these circumstances. And I hope this exceedingly long email explains why."
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Humility...
This is a response I wrote to a blog about confronting people that irk us. I thought ya'll might enjoy it!
-Dar
"There are as many ways to confront or tackle wrongdoing as there are people who do wrong. No one way will suffice. Part of the problem is that we are not as open as we all should be to the world around us. If we were, we wouldn't be so defensive in the first place.
Whats really missing is this: Humility! We don't often chastise OURSELVES as much as we should. We've gotten so self righteous that no one can even talk to us! No one can approach us in an honest way, without us getting all bent out of shape and ready to quote scripture.
Most of the time when we think we are being "attacked", we need to just take a chill pill. I mean, there are those times when a family member has been diagnosed with leukemia...ok, I'd say that is a legitimate attack of the enemy and you need to fight him tooth and nail. But most of the time, we're not being "attacked" or anything of the sort. Its all in our heads, and how we choose look at it. Honestly, if your boss is reprimanding you at work, then its not an attack of the enemy. You simply have a few things to learn that will make you better at your job. And if sister so-and-so who is head of the usher board looks at you crazy, its not because she's letting the devil use her. Chances are she doesn't even know she's upset you. We must allow humility to temper our relationships.
Think about it! There are so many different kinds of people in this world; people whose lives and lifestyles are wildly different from our own. Based on our age, gender, race, climate, social class, neighborhood, upbringing, political beliefs, culture, religious beliefs...all of these things can alter the way a person approaches the world! I often find that people around me get upset because others don't find their decisions or their way of living "right". But when I was in my late 20s I found myself in a situation where I had to live & work for 3 years in close quarters with 11 people chosen from all around the country. The group of us were specifically chosen for this program as a cross-section of society...so we were all as different as different could be. During that process, I often found myself offended, upset, hurt, angry, annoyed...all because other people didn't do things the way I did them. Because I'd come from a great family and home, I sincerely thought that my way was clearly the "right" way. But the people that I was newly surrounded by in this program didn't care one bit about my way. They did not resolve issues the way I did. They did not reward goodness the way I did. They did not confront change the way I did. They did not honor god in the way I did. They did not celebrate the same things I celebrated, or call evil the same things I called evil. They did not eat what I ate, or dress how I dressed, or spoke how I spoke. It was a challenging 3 years to say the least.
What I gained from that experience was the insight that although I love my family, my church, my home town, and my way of life...these influences on me were not the only way of operating. I did not solely have dibs on what was honorable or effective. Other people think just as highly of their families and home towns and churches...and they flourish all around the world and god is blessing them just as he blesses me. And I often asked myself, 'if my way was totally different from their way, then whose way was the "right" way'? And it took me a while to learn, but the answer is no one...neither me or them are ever "right". We are only ever choosing what is most comfortable & best for us. And although in our own minds we may think we are "right", that type of dogmatic thinking is only ever valid in our own minds.
So because of that experience, I learned to become far more flexible in the way I approach people, and also the way in which I allow others to approach me. I'm so much happier because I was allowed to participate in a program that gave me such insight. And I continue to learn from it to this day. But here's the kicker...it is hard for me oftentimes, because I see my family making the same brazen declarations of "rightness" that I used to make. They run around and "correct" other people and toss scriptures about. Its sad really, because they cannot see that others perceive them as proud, boastful, hypocritical, weak and narrow-minded.
To those who say that prayer is the solution...I cannot agree. This is because I have heard people pray very selfish and vengeful prayers upon others. So the answer cannot simply be prayer. I believe that a hefty dose of humility is the answer. Only humility will allow you to learn something from a situation in which you were the one being "attacked"...instead of you feeling as if you need to school someone else. And only humble prayers & humble actions will bring about the kind of change thats truly worthwhile. Time and time again throughout history we see that its not those who simply stand up that make change. But its when truly penitent people stand up that real things start to happen. Oh and one more thing...its not that we should even want things to simply change. Shouldn't we want those who change to love and respect us after all is said and done? And what virtue most often generates respect? Again, only humility accomplishes that!"
-Dar
"There are as many ways to confront or tackle wrongdoing as there are people who do wrong. No one way will suffice. Part of the problem is that we are not as open as we all should be to the world around us. If we were, we wouldn't be so defensive in the first place.
Whats really missing is this: Humility! We don't often chastise OURSELVES as much as we should. We've gotten so self righteous that no one can even talk to us! No one can approach us in an honest way, without us getting all bent out of shape and ready to quote scripture.
Most of the time when we think we are being "attacked", we need to just take a chill pill. I mean, there are those times when a family member has been diagnosed with leukemia...ok, I'd say that is a legitimate attack of the enemy and you need to fight him tooth and nail. But most of the time, we're not being "attacked" or anything of the sort. Its all in our heads, and how we choose look at it. Honestly, if your boss is reprimanding you at work, then its not an attack of the enemy. You simply have a few things to learn that will make you better at your job. And if sister so-and-so who is head of the usher board looks at you crazy, its not because she's letting the devil use her. Chances are she doesn't even know she's upset you. We must allow humility to temper our relationships.
Think about it! There are so many different kinds of people in this world; people whose lives and lifestyles are wildly different from our own. Based on our age, gender, race, climate, social class, neighborhood, upbringing, political beliefs, culture, religious beliefs...all of these things can alter the way a person approaches the world! I often find that people around me get upset because others don't find their decisions or their way of living "right". But when I was in my late 20s I found myself in a situation where I had to live & work for 3 years in close quarters with 11 people chosen from all around the country. The group of us were specifically chosen for this program as a cross-section of society...so we were all as different as different could be. During that process, I often found myself offended, upset, hurt, angry, annoyed...all because other people didn't do things the way I did them. Because I'd come from a great family and home, I sincerely thought that my way was clearly the "right" way. But the people that I was newly surrounded by in this program didn't care one bit about my way. They did not resolve issues the way I did. They did not reward goodness the way I did. They did not confront change the way I did. They did not honor god in the way I did. They did not celebrate the same things I celebrated, or call evil the same things I called evil. They did not eat what I ate, or dress how I dressed, or spoke how I spoke. It was a challenging 3 years to say the least.
What I gained from that experience was the insight that although I love my family, my church, my home town, and my way of life...these influences on me were not the only way of operating. I did not solely have dibs on what was honorable or effective. Other people think just as highly of their families and home towns and churches...and they flourish all around the world and god is blessing them just as he blesses me. And I often asked myself, 'if my way was totally different from their way, then whose way was the "right" way'? And it took me a while to learn, but the answer is no one...neither me or them are ever "right". We are only ever choosing what is most comfortable & best for us. And although in our own minds we may think we are "right", that type of dogmatic thinking is only ever valid in our own minds.
So because of that experience, I learned to become far more flexible in the way I approach people, and also the way in which I allow others to approach me. I'm so much happier because I was allowed to participate in a program that gave me such insight. And I continue to learn from it to this day. But here's the kicker...it is hard for me oftentimes, because I see my family making the same brazen declarations of "rightness" that I used to make. They run around and "correct" other people and toss scriptures about. Its sad really, because they cannot see that others perceive them as proud, boastful, hypocritical, weak and narrow-minded.
To those who say that prayer is the solution...I cannot agree. This is because I have heard people pray very selfish and vengeful prayers upon others. So the answer cannot simply be prayer. I believe that a hefty dose of humility is the answer. Only humility will allow you to learn something from a situation in which you were the one being "attacked"...instead of you feeling as if you need to school someone else. And only humble prayers & humble actions will bring about the kind of change thats truly worthwhile. Time and time again throughout history we see that its not those who simply stand up that make change. But its when truly penitent people stand up that real things start to happen. Oh and one more thing...its not that we should even want things to simply change. Shouldn't we want those who change to love and respect us after all is said and done? And what virtue most often generates respect? Again, only humility accomplishes that!"
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The Master Cleanse
Today is day 7 on the Master Cleanse. Only 3 days to go. My body is still doing very well. This may sound crazy, but my cells feel clean! My body feels lighter, brighter and cooler, like its been rinsed in a cool spring. I am even debating the idea of continuing on the Master Cleanse longer than the suggested 10 days. The book says that this is ok...but its hard trying to avoid the evidence of food and drink that is everywhere. Last night I missed a friend's birthday party at one of my fav hang out spots because I knew I would not be able to handle the temptation. I know that seems selfish of me...but you have to understand that this particular bar serves the best potato skins anywhere!! And rare beers on draft to boot!! Plus whenever I'm there, free rounds are bought for me by my good friends who bartend there. I'd have been a lost cause!! So I had to say no to the invite.
During this cleanse, I am basically confined to my house. And when I do go out I have to keep my eyes low, my gait swift and my focus clear, so as not to see anyone eating or pause too long near a mouth-watering smell. But this is all worth it! My body feels so great and I've lost a few pounds already. I'm not sure how many pounds, but enough for me to notice in the mirror and in my clothes.
This is why I want to continue longer than 10 days on the cleanse if I can. I want to make sure that when I do go back to eating, I can keep my portions very small and my diet pure and clean. I want to milk this cleanse for all its worth. I'm so tired of being fat...of hiding my bulges...of trying to look pretty, when I feel so ugly. I am tired of it all. I am desperate to move forward in my life. I want to book acting jobs and have a boyfriend. And although some people would argue with me, I know that both these things have to do with my weight. So I'm going to cleanse as long as I can...and see how far I can take it! Because I am tired of always being and feeling so down on myself...and other people trying in pathetic ways to encourage me. I can hear in their voices the insincerity of what they say to me. Its remarkable! And I'm just not the kind of person who is comfortable with accepting other people's sympathies.
But I'm actually writing this blog because there is some info not in the Master Cleanse book that I've discovered that has made this cleanse alot easier for me. I'm not sure why they don't really give people the skinny...I guess because they want everything to seem so earthy and holistic, and they don't want to scare people away. But small things like not watching tv for the duration of the cleanse has helped me immensely. If you pay attention, you will notice that food is constantly advertised on tv. And not good and healthy food either. Not even the majority of whats available in grocery stores, which I'd call normal everyday boring food. The majority of whats advertised is candy, booze, and restaurant food...so called guilty pleasure foods. I have been so much more content on this cleanse by avoiding the bombardment of food advertisement that is on tv. The last thing I need to do is taunt my sense memory of decadent smooth milk chocolate, or cheesy, deep fried, melty, savory, slices of mmmm and heaping portions of ohhhhh!! Thats the last thing I need. And now that I have seen tv in this light, it is no wonder to me that we live in a country of over-weight people whose sense of self control is out of whack. I mean, we gorge ourselves on all of the decadences we want...all the time. We treat ourselves all day and all night...everything deserves a treat. "Oh I finished filling out my tax forms, and I deserve a treat". Or "I am out shopping with my sister and I deserve a treat". And don't forget "Its the holidays, and I deserve a treat". Or "I'm on my work break and I deserve a treat". Its amazing...we are like children!!
So I cannot endure the television...because I am re-learning how to be in control of my desires.
The other thing that helps is focusing on the things in life that make me happy...other than food. While I am cleansing (and not watching tv!) I can't read diet stuff, or even work out stuff. I want my head to be in the right place. I want to focus my mind on possibilities and positivity. And the fact of the matter is that I do not love dieting or working out... I only tolerate these things. So I bought a subscription to Coastal Living magazine and I am reading that. Because what I truly love is to be near the water and feel the sand in my toes and feel the warm sun on my skin. I love to lounge and relax and enjoy beautiful surroundings. I want to associate that kind of happiness with being healthy and with cleansing. Because I don't want to cleanse only so I get skinny. I mean, that is a part of what I want...to rid myself of all the pathetic trappings of being overweight. But over and above that, what I truly want is to be happy. And losing weight is only part of that equation. I want to feel youthful and carefree and energetic and in love...and thats the point! So reading this mag helps me to think that way. I can look at the pics and see myself there. I can feel myself there. And that is so much better to me and it keeps my mind in the right place.
I have been so much happier cleansing because of these simple things. And its so much better than putting a number on what size I want to be or constantly reading diet books that tell me what I am not allowed to have. Because when I do start to eat again, I want to be released to enjoy things as God intended us to enjoy them. I do not want to feel the pressure and stress that comes along with following a diet or exercise regiment. To me, that only leads to inevitable disappointment. I would much rather focus on the robust happiness that comes with simple things like the wind in my hair, or the sound of the waves crashing, or the sun being bright and warm, or the sound of the birds as they fly above me.
So those are my two cleansing tips. Turn off the tv and read a mag thats about whats going to make you really really happy in the right way. These things will make the cleansing process a much easier and happier experience. Not to mention making it a truly cleansing process, inside the body, inside the mind...and everywhere in between!
During this cleanse, I am basically confined to my house. And when I do go out I have to keep my eyes low, my gait swift and my focus clear, so as not to see anyone eating or pause too long near a mouth-watering smell. But this is all worth it! My body feels so great and I've lost a few pounds already. I'm not sure how many pounds, but enough for me to notice in the mirror and in my clothes.
This is why I want to continue longer than 10 days on the cleanse if I can. I want to make sure that when I do go back to eating, I can keep my portions very small and my diet pure and clean. I want to milk this cleanse for all its worth. I'm so tired of being fat...of hiding my bulges...of trying to look pretty, when I feel so ugly. I am tired of it all. I am desperate to move forward in my life. I want to book acting jobs and have a boyfriend. And although some people would argue with me, I know that both these things have to do with my weight. So I'm going to cleanse as long as I can...and see how far I can take it! Because I am tired of always being and feeling so down on myself...and other people trying in pathetic ways to encourage me. I can hear in their voices the insincerity of what they say to me. Its remarkable! And I'm just not the kind of person who is comfortable with accepting other people's sympathies.
But I'm actually writing this blog because there is some info not in the Master Cleanse book that I've discovered that has made this cleanse alot easier for me. I'm not sure why they don't really give people the skinny...I guess because they want everything to seem so earthy and holistic, and they don't want to scare people away. But small things like not watching tv for the duration of the cleanse has helped me immensely. If you pay attention, you will notice that food is constantly advertised on tv. And not good and healthy food either. Not even the majority of whats available in grocery stores, which I'd call normal everyday boring food. The majority of whats advertised is candy, booze, and restaurant food...so called guilty pleasure foods. I have been so much more content on this cleanse by avoiding the bombardment of food advertisement that is on tv. The last thing I need to do is taunt my sense memory of decadent smooth milk chocolate, or cheesy, deep fried, melty, savory, slices of mmmm and heaping portions of ohhhhh!! Thats the last thing I need. And now that I have seen tv in this light, it is no wonder to me that we live in a country of over-weight people whose sense of self control is out of whack. I mean, we gorge ourselves on all of the decadences we want...all the time. We treat ourselves all day and all night...everything deserves a treat. "Oh I finished filling out my tax forms, and I deserve a treat". Or "I am out shopping with my sister and I deserve a treat". And don't forget "Its the holidays, and I deserve a treat". Or "I'm on my work break and I deserve a treat". Its amazing...we are like children!!
So I cannot endure the television...because I am re-learning how to be in control of my desires.
The other thing that helps is focusing on the things in life that make me happy...other than food. While I am cleansing (and not watching tv!) I can't read diet stuff, or even work out stuff. I want my head to be in the right place. I want to focus my mind on possibilities and positivity. And the fact of the matter is that I do not love dieting or working out... I only tolerate these things. So I bought a subscription to Coastal Living magazine and I am reading that. Because what I truly love is to be near the water and feel the sand in my toes and feel the warm sun on my skin. I love to lounge and relax and enjoy beautiful surroundings. I want to associate that kind of happiness with being healthy and with cleansing. Because I don't want to cleanse only so I get skinny. I mean, that is a part of what I want...to rid myself of all the pathetic trappings of being overweight. But over and above that, what I truly want is to be happy. And losing weight is only part of that equation. I want to feel youthful and carefree and energetic and in love...and thats the point! So reading this mag helps me to think that way. I can look at the pics and see myself there. I can feel myself there. And that is so much better to me and it keeps my mind in the right place.
I have been so much happier cleansing because of these simple things. And its so much better than putting a number on what size I want to be or constantly reading diet books that tell me what I am not allowed to have. Because when I do start to eat again, I want to be released to enjoy things as God intended us to enjoy them. I do not want to feel the pressure and stress that comes along with following a diet or exercise regiment. To me, that only leads to inevitable disappointment. I would much rather focus on the robust happiness that comes with simple things like the wind in my hair, or the sound of the waves crashing, or the sun being bright and warm, or the sound of the birds as they fly above me.
So those are my two cleansing tips. Turn off the tv and read a mag thats about whats going to make you really really happy in the right way. These things will make the cleansing process a much easier and happier experience. Not to mention making it a truly cleansing process, inside the body, inside the mind...and everywhere in between!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Birthday Bliss!!
I wanted to blog a little about what a divine splendid day I had yesterday! I officially turned 29 for the second time yesterday!! After being 27 for 4 or 5 years in a row it only seemed fair that I moved up a couple years. This way people don't squirm oddly after I tell them my age!
The bliss began when I realized at the beginning of the week that it was much more than my typical birthday week. 'Whats a birthday week', you say? Well, when I was a kid, my genius mother found a way to stretch our celebrations out for an entire week. She called it "our birthday week". And we didn't have to do chores at all and no one could say anything mean to us. We got special privileges like sitting in the front seat of the car...which never happened for some one like me who had the misfortune of being the 4th youngest kid in the fam. All these things came to mean alot to me...especially not having to do the dishes!! And to top it all off, we got to eat birthday cake all week. The festivities only ended when the very last slice of cake was placed before the birthday girl at the end of the birthday week! It was genius...genius I tell you...that my mom thought of this idea. So now, I celebrate my birthday week every year...even though I'm not a kid anymore and no one celebrates with me. Old habits die hard, and its fun anyway.
So the bliss began when I realized on Monday that my birthday week was no typical birthday week...it was a LUCKY birthday week!!! On Monday I checked my email and found out that I'd won a years subscription to Backstage by twittering them my most horrific audition story. And apparently that horrific story is more horrific than ANYONE ELSE'S IN THE INDUSTRY! How bout them apples? I won't go into the story now (horrific of me, I know!) but I will say that the winning of the prize on the first day of my birthday week sparked in me the hope that maybe my normal typical birthday week was in fact a very special one of a kind lucky birthday week!!! This hope was confirmed when my sister called that very day and said that she had won "best rocker" at her jobs "customer service reps rock" celebration. So it was true and real. It was a lucky week...and not just for me...but for everyone around me. Later that day I got called in for a sweet audition. I finally got called in for a job interview. Its was happening all around me. The idea came to me on Tuesday night that I should play the lotto. You know, try and see how far I could stretch my birthday luck. The jackpot had been pretty high lately...so why not. But when I realized what I should do, I also realized that it was too late to play before the drawing on that night. But in a stroke of further luck, no one hit the jackpot that night, so the prize rolled over!! My fate was set...the next drawing was to be on Friday night. And for those who don't know, Friday was the very day of my birth...and inevitably the luckiest day of the week!! So I set my sights on Friday, whilst enjoying little lucky bits of fun all week long. When friday rolled around, I had a great day...and the luck continued- An accidental round of martinis was made at the bar where my celebrations were being had, so we got free booze. Then the manager brought out a round of new shots they were testing. So we got more free booze. Its wasn't stopping!!
We were enjoying ourselves so much that I almost forgot to buy the lotto tickets. But in a stroke of more luck, I remembered sheer minutes before the time expired. A friend and I made a maddened sprint to a nearby bodega to buy some tickets just in the nick of time. With my lucky tickets in hand, I rounded out my blissful birthday night dancing to a live band at Fat Black Pusy Cat!! I didnt even get home delayed in all the MTA mess...hows that for luck?!! Once I was home, I looked at the numbers in the hopes that my luck was complete...but alas I did not win. Whomp whomp, right?? WRONG!!! It wasn't bad luck...because no one else won either. So the jackpot rolls over again!! Inevitably I will win on Tuesday night...exactly one week after my lucky premonition to play the lotto during my very special one of a kind lucky birthday week. How sweet is that???
Today the glory and luck of my birthday week has not faded one bit. I got invited to the final invited dress of the new Broadway smash revival Ragtime, starring my ridiculously talented soon to be superstar friend Q. God only knows what luck I'll run into there!! My beloved Florida Gators won the big SEC game tonight!! Things just keep flying my way. The birthday bliss is overtaking me, and I love every minute.
So here's a special wish of birthday week luck to you all, as well. May it come your way, and when it happens, may you think of me and this rockin' blog!
You know, I think this may actually last all year...which is a lovely idea!
Muahhhhh!
The bliss began when I realized at the beginning of the week that it was much more than my typical birthday week. 'Whats a birthday week', you say? Well, when I was a kid, my genius mother found a way to stretch our celebrations out for an entire week. She called it "our birthday week". And we didn't have to do chores at all and no one could say anything mean to us. We got special privileges like sitting in the front seat of the car...which never happened for some one like me who had the misfortune of being the 4th youngest kid in the fam. All these things came to mean alot to me...especially not having to do the dishes!! And to top it all off, we got to eat birthday cake all week. The festivities only ended when the very last slice of cake was placed before the birthday girl at the end of the birthday week! It was genius...genius I tell you...that my mom thought of this idea. So now, I celebrate my birthday week every year...even though I'm not a kid anymore and no one celebrates with me. Old habits die hard, and its fun anyway.
So the bliss began when I realized on Monday that my birthday week was no typical birthday week...it was a LUCKY birthday week!!! On Monday I checked my email and found out that I'd won a years subscription to Backstage by twittering them my most horrific audition story. And apparently that horrific story is more horrific than ANYONE ELSE'S IN THE INDUSTRY! How bout them apples? I won't go into the story now (horrific of me, I know!) but I will say that the winning of the prize on the first day of my birthday week sparked in me the hope that maybe my normal typical birthday week was in fact a very special one of a kind lucky birthday week!!! This hope was confirmed when my sister called that very day and said that she had won "best rocker" at her jobs "customer service reps rock" celebration. So it was true and real. It was a lucky week...and not just for me...but for everyone around me. Later that day I got called in for a sweet audition. I finally got called in for a job interview. Its was happening all around me. The idea came to me on Tuesday night that I should play the lotto. You know, try and see how far I could stretch my birthday luck. The jackpot had been pretty high lately...so why not. But when I realized what I should do, I also realized that it was too late to play before the drawing on that night. But in a stroke of further luck, no one hit the jackpot that night, so the prize rolled over!! My fate was set...the next drawing was to be on Friday night. And for those who don't know, Friday was the very day of my birth...and inevitably the luckiest day of the week!! So I set my sights on Friday, whilst enjoying little lucky bits of fun all week long. When friday rolled around, I had a great day...and the luck continued- An accidental round of martinis was made at the bar where my celebrations were being had, so we got free booze. Then the manager brought out a round of new shots they were testing. So we got more free booze. Its wasn't stopping!!
We were enjoying ourselves so much that I almost forgot to buy the lotto tickets. But in a stroke of more luck, I remembered sheer minutes before the time expired. A friend and I made a maddened sprint to a nearby bodega to buy some tickets just in the nick of time. With my lucky tickets in hand, I rounded out my blissful birthday night dancing to a live band at Fat Black Pusy Cat!! I didnt even get home delayed in all the MTA mess...hows that for luck?!! Once I was home, I looked at the numbers in the hopes that my luck was complete...but alas I did not win. Whomp whomp, right?? WRONG!!! It wasn't bad luck...because no one else won either. So the jackpot rolls over again!! Inevitably I will win on Tuesday night...exactly one week after my lucky premonition to play the lotto during my very special one of a kind lucky birthday week. How sweet is that???
Today the glory and luck of my birthday week has not faded one bit. I got invited to the final invited dress of the new Broadway smash revival Ragtime, starring my ridiculously talented soon to be superstar friend Q. God only knows what luck I'll run into there!! My beloved Florida Gators won the big SEC game tonight!! Things just keep flying my way. The birthday bliss is overtaking me, and I love every minute.
So here's a special wish of birthday week luck to you all, as well. May it come your way, and when it happens, may you think of me and this rockin' blog!
You know, I think this may actually last all year...which is a lovely idea!
Muahhhhh!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
A letter to my nephew.
I wrote this letter to my nephew who is thinking of what he wants to do after high school. After weeks of him brushing me off...I felt the need to directly address how I was feeling about the subject. Some might say its too tough. Some might say that I need to back off. But I hold the firm belief that the last thing we need to do with these little bozos is cut them some slack. These kids are killing each other in the streets. Knocking each other over the head with 2X4's...like last week in Chicago. And I certainly am not going to sit around and patty cake with my nephews future. He is not going to be some statistic on the evening news. He has to know what life is about. He has to know the truth.
My sister, his mother, always accuses our mom of never being honest with her as a youngster. And in some cases she is right. But what my brilliant sister has done in response to that is visit that same silly tactic on her own kids. Case in point...her oldest son signed up for the marine corps before even graduating last year and then ran off and eloped with some dumb girl none of us knew. Talk about knocking someone over the head. Thanks to my sister, life is going to slug those two fools over the head real soon...if it hasn't already! Meanwhile she rolls blissfully along, saying nothing, and pretending that a serious can of life whoop ass is not about to be visited on these two youngsters.
So my younger nephew, who has no clue what he wants to do in life, and whom my sister is pleasantly not requiring that he make any decisions, is pandering from day to day. Its driving me up the wall. And this letter is was my way of expressing that to him...
"Thanks Roy,
I'm going to send you one final email I have remaining from another top culinary college in Miami, and then I'm going to leave you alone about all this. Everyone thinks I'm being too hard on you, and they want me to leave you alone. And you won't even talk to me anymore or return my calls. So I am going to leave you alone about going to college. But Roy, I am going to be honest with you...no matter how hard I am on you, and no matter how hard you might have to work to get your college materials together while maintaining your school work...this is the EASIEST life is going to be for you from now on!! The day after you graduate, life is going to knock on your door, and you won't have any choice but to answer it. I'm not saying that you have to know what you are going to do for the rest of your life...but you do have to know what you're going to do next! In as little as 9 months, you are going to have to figure out how to pay your own bills and how to take care of yourself. You'll have no guarantees that anyone is going to be there to hold your hand.
Its time to wake up. The system hates our young black men. The system does not want you to succeed...thats why they bombard you with nonsense movies and music. They want you to buy into a dream so that you don't achieve anything in reality. You will see really soon that the only one who really cares if you truly succeed is YOU!!! You have to decide if the life you're living now is what you want. You see the choices your mom is making. You see the choices that Auntie Anita is making. At one point they were 17 too. At one point they had a clean slate and the choice of what they wanted to do in life. Poor choices got them right where they are. Learn from the choices that the people around you have made. If you think that moving forward in life with only a high school diploma is what you want to do, then fine. You know I love you. I will always love you. But it makes me sick to think that you might do nothing with all the talents God has given you. I am not going to support you if you choose to let your potential die. You are a bright and fascinating young man. You could be anything you want - a master chef, doctor, engineer, writer, entertainer, teacher, lawyer, bank ceo...ANYTHING! I believe in you, Roy! But what I can't do is force you to believe in yourself.
You know, I had to bust my butt to dig myself out of that poverty lifestyle down there. No one put me through school. No one paid for me. No one did my homework or took me to Valencia to get my apps together. NO ONE HELPED ME ROY!!! And thats the truth. I had to fill out my applications on my own. Grams did not even want to give me her tax forms so I could get finanacial aid. She didn't want to help me fill out the applications. She didn't take me to turn them in. I had to get on the bus and go by myself. I had to stand in the lines at Valencia by myself, and ask strangers if they knew where I was supposed to go...it was so hard!! One day I was in the office at Valencia crying and crying...all by myself...because I didn't have any help and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. But I made it through. I did it all on my own. And I was your same age when I did it. But I was self-motivated to get something in life for myself. I made the decisions and did all that work for myself. I didn't let other people choose what I was going to be. I was not afraid to work hard. God gave me enough strength to make it through too...cause he knew that I couldn't depend on none of them mugs down there. (Now I love them. They are my family. But one thing I can't stand about them is that they don't have any dreams for themselves. And if they do have dreams, then they don't care enough to work hard to accomplish those dreams. And worst of all, none of them helped me when I had a dream.)
I love you, and I only say all this because no one else in the family is going to say it to you. They don't want to pressure you. But I believe in tough love. I believe that a young person can only accomplish what you demand of them. So I place a high demand on you. Because you have the potential to accomplish alot. And I also gotta tell you the truth, Roy...if you don't continue your education after high school, there are only a few options open to you for a prosperous future. Thats the truth! Black men have it harder than anybody else in this world. You are going to have to fight if you want to be something great. You are going to have to work twice as hard as all your little friends. You are going to be faced with twice as many obstacles as them, simply because you are a young black man. And I'm not just saying this...this is the truth! Yeah, if you just have a diploma, then you might get a job...but it'll be something menial and meaningless...where other people tell you what to do and how long you get to eat lunch and whether or not you'll work on Christmas day. And you wont get promoted like you deserve, and you wont get raises like you deserve. This is the time when you get to decide if that kind of life is going to be enough for you, or if you want more than that. If you are going to have more than that, then you are going to have to go out and grab it for yourself. Its not easy at all. In fact its really really hard. But you'll be better off for pushing yourself.
You're a man now. Welcome to real life. It starts right now. Society does not want to see black men succeed. All the odds are stacked against you. You are going to have to fight to make something great of yourself. And you CAN do it! Its just not going to fall into your lap. Nothing great ever just falls into your lap. You have to work for it!
Finally, I want you to know that it hurt my feelings that my offer to help you and my encouragment have been met with attitude from both you and other people in the family. And you're old enough to know when you hurt other people's feelings. But at the end of the day, its all good. I got my 3 degrees. I may not be rich, but I am living my dream...which not alot of people can say! My future is bright, and you can believe that I am only a few steps away from realizing everything I dreamed of when I was a kid. Ask your mom if she can say the same!! I begged your mom to let you come and spend time with me when I was in grad school. I even begged her to let you come up here to NYC. There was so much I wanted you to see. But no one down there cares if you broaden your horizons and see the world. And believe me, Roy, its a wide wide world out there. There are amazing things in this world that will blow your mind. I want you to see it all Roy! I want you to get out there and see how splendid this planet is...and how many options you actually have!!!
But now its all up to you. I've said my piece. If you need my help, you know my number. I long to help you in any way that I can. But I am not going to push you anymore, because everyone down there is against it. And also because ever since Josh went into the marines I have learned that it doesn't matter what I do. You guys are going to do what you want to do regardless. But if you need anything - anything at all - I'm here for you. I love you. I see your potential. But I can't make you want to go to college. And I can't make you want more for yourself than you have. All I can do is pray that you make the right decisions.
Love,
Auntie Dar"
My sister, his mother, always accuses our mom of never being honest with her as a youngster. And in some cases she is right. But what my brilliant sister has done in response to that is visit that same silly tactic on her own kids. Case in point...her oldest son signed up for the marine corps before even graduating last year and then ran off and eloped with some dumb girl none of us knew. Talk about knocking someone over the head. Thanks to my sister, life is going to slug those two fools over the head real soon...if it hasn't already! Meanwhile she rolls blissfully along, saying nothing, and pretending that a serious can of life whoop ass is not about to be visited on these two youngsters.
So my younger nephew, who has no clue what he wants to do in life, and whom my sister is pleasantly not requiring that he make any decisions, is pandering from day to day. Its driving me up the wall. And this letter is was my way of expressing that to him...
"Thanks Roy,
I'm going to send you one final email I have remaining from another top culinary college in Miami, and then I'm going to leave you alone about all this. Everyone thinks I'm being too hard on you, and they want me to leave you alone. And you won't even talk to me anymore or return my calls. So I am going to leave you alone about going to college. But Roy, I am going to be honest with you...no matter how hard I am on you, and no matter how hard you might have to work to get your college materials together while maintaining your school work...this is the EASIEST life is going to be for you from now on!! The day after you graduate, life is going to knock on your door, and you won't have any choice but to answer it. I'm not saying that you have to know what you are going to do for the rest of your life...but you do have to know what you're going to do next! In as little as 9 months, you are going to have to figure out how to pay your own bills and how to take care of yourself. You'll have no guarantees that anyone is going to be there to hold your hand.
Its time to wake up. The system hates our young black men. The system does not want you to succeed...thats why they bombard you with nonsense movies and music. They want you to buy into a dream so that you don't achieve anything in reality. You will see really soon that the only one who really cares if you truly succeed is YOU!!! You have to decide if the life you're living now is what you want. You see the choices your mom is making. You see the choices that Auntie Anita is making. At one point they were 17 too. At one point they had a clean slate and the choice of what they wanted to do in life. Poor choices got them right where they are. Learn from the choices that the people around you have made. If you think that moving forward in life with only a high school diploma is what you want to do, then fine. You know I love you. I will always love you. But it makes me sick to think that you might do nothing with all the talents God has given you. I am not going to support you if you choose to let your potential die. You are a bright and fascinating young man. You could be anything you want - a master chef, doctor, engineer, writer, entertainer, teacher, lawyer, bank ceo...ANYTHING! I believe in you, Roy! But what I can't do is force you to believe in yourself.
You know, I had to bust my butt to dig myself out of that poverty lifestyle down there. No one put me through school. No one paid for me. No one did my homework or took me to Valencia to get my apps together. NO ONE HELPED ME ROY!!! And thats the truth. I had to fill out my applications on my own. Grams did not even want to give me her tax forms so I could get finanacial aid. She didn't want to help me fill out the applications. She didn't take me to turn them in. I had to get on the bus and go by myself. I had to stand in the lines at Valencia by myself, and ask strangers if they knew where I was supposed to go...it was so hard!! One day I was in the office at Valencia crying and crying...all by myself...because I didn't have any help and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. But I made it through. I did it all on my own. And I was your same age when I did it. But I was self-motivated to get something in life for myself. I made the decisions and did all that work for myself. I didn't let other people choose what I was going to be. I was not afraid to work hard. God gave me enough strength to make it through too...cause he knew that I couldn't depend on none of them mugs down there. (Now I love them. They are my family. But one thing I can't stand about them is that they don't have any dreams for themselves. And if they do have dreams, then they don't care enough to work hard to accomplish those dreams. And worst of all, none of them helped me when I had a dream.)
I love you, and I only say all this because no one else in the family is going to say it to you. They don't want to pressure you. But I believe in tough love. I believe that a young person can only accomplish what you demand of them. So I place a high demand on you. Because you have the potential to accomplish alot. And I also gotta tell you the truth, Roy...if you don't continue your education after high school, there are only a few options open to you for a prosperous future. Thats the truth! Black men have it harder than anybody else in this world. You are going to have to fight if you want to be something great. You are going to have to work twice as hard as all your little friends. You are going to be faced with twice as many obstacles as them, simply because you are a young black man. And I'm not just saying this...this is the truth! Yeah, if you just have a diploma, then you might get a job...but it'll be something menial and meaningless...where other people tell you what to do and how long you get to eat lunch and whether or not you'll work on Christmas day. And you wont get promoted like you deserve, and you wont get raises like you deserve. This is the time when you get to decide if that kind of life is going to be enough for you, or if you want more than that. If you are going to have more than that, then you are going to have to go out and grab it for yourself. Its not easy at all. In fact its really really hard. But you'll be better off for pushing yourself.
You're a man now. Welcome to real life. It starts right now. Society does not want to see black men succeed. All the odds are stacked against you. You are going to have to fight to make something great of yourself. And you CAN do it! Its just not going to fall into your lap. Nothing great ever just falls into your lap. You have to work for it!
Finally, I want you to know that it hurt my feelings that my offer to help you and my encouragment have been met with attitude from both you and other people in the family. And you're old enough to know when you hurt other people's feelings. But at the end of the day, its all good. I got my 3 degrees. I may not be rich, but I am living my dream...which not alot of people can say! My future is bright, and you can believe that I am only a few steps away from realizing everything I dreamed of when I was a kid. Ask your mom if she can say the same!! I begged your mom to let you come and spend time with me when I was in grad school. I even begged her to let you come up here to NYC. There was so much I wanted you to see. But no one down there cares if you broaden your horizons and see the world. And believe me, Roy, its a wide wide world out there. There are amazing things in this world that will blow your mind. I want you to see it all Roy! I want you to get out there and see how splendid this planet is...and how many options you actually have!!!
But now its all up to you. I've said my piece. If you need my help, you know my number. I long to help you in any way that I can. But I am not going to push you anymore, because everyone down there is against it. And also because ever since Josh went into the marines I have learned that it doesn't matter what I do. You guys are going to do what you want to do regardless. But if you need anything - anything at all - I'm here for you. I love you. I see your potential. But I can't make you want to go to college. And I can't make you want more for yourself than you have. All I can do is pray that you make the right decisions.
Love,
Auntie Dar"
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