Humility...

This is a response I wrote to a blog about confronting people that irk us. I thought ya'll might enjoy it!

-Dar

"There are as many ways to confront or tackle wrongdoing as there are people who do wrong. No one way will suffice. Part of the problem is that we are not as open as we all should be to the world around us. If we were, we wouldn't be so defensive in the first place.

Whats really missing is this: Humility! We don't often chastise OURSELVES as much as we should. We've gotten so self righteous that no one can even talk to us! No one can approach us in an honest way, without us getting all bent out of shape and ready to quote scripture.

Most of the time when we think we are being "attacked", we need to just take a chill pill. I mean, there are those times when a family member has been diagnosed with leukemia...ok, I'd say that is a legitimate attack of the enemy and you need to fight him tooth and nail. But most of the time, we're not being "attacked" or anything of the sort. Its all in our heads, and how we choose look at it. Honestly, if your boss is reprimanding you at work, then its not an attack of the enemy. You simply have a few things to learn that will make you better at your job. And if sister so-and-so who is head of the usher board looks at you crazy, its not because she's letting the devil use her. Chances are she doesn't even know she's upset you. We must allow humility to temper our relationships.

Think about it! There are so many different kinds of people in this world; people whose lives and lifestyles are wildly different from our own. Based on our age, gender, race, climate, social class, neighborhood, upbringing, political beliefs, culture, religious beliefs...all of these things can alter the way a person approaches the world! I often find that people around me get upset because others don't find their decisions or their way of living "right". But when I was in my late 20s I found myself in a situation where I had to live & work for 3 years in close quarters with 11 people chosen from all around the country. The group of us were specifically chosen for this program as a cross-section of society...so we were all as different as different could be. During that process, I often found myself offended, upset, hurt, angry, annoyed...all because other people didn't do things the way I did them. Because I'd come from a great family and home, I sincerely thought that my way was clearly the "right" way. But the people that I was newly surrounded by in this program didn't care one bit about my way. They did not resolve issues the way I did. They did not reward goodness the way I did. They did not confront change the way I did. They did not honor god in the way I did. They did not celebrate the same things I celebrated, or call evil the same things I called evil. They did not eat what I ate, or dress how I dressed, or spoke how I spoke. It was a challenging 3 years to say the least.

What I gained from that experience was the insight that although I love my family, my church, my home town, and my way of life...these influences on me were not the only way of operating. I did not solely have dibs on what was honorable or effective. Other people think just as highly of their families and home towns and churches...and they flourish all around the world and god is blessing them just as he blesses me. And I often asked myself, 'if my way was totally different from their way, then whose way was the "right" way'? And it took me a while to learn, but the answer is no one...neither me or them are ever "right". We are only ever choosing what is most comfortable & best for us. And although in our own minds we may think we are "right", that type of dogmatic thinking is only ever valid in our own minds.

So because of that experience, I learned to become far more flexible in the way I approach people, and also the way in which I allow others to approach me. I'm so much happier because I was allowed to participate in a program that gave me such insight. And I continue to learn from it to this day. But here's the kicker...it is hard for me oftentimes, because I see my family making the same brazen declarations of "rightness" that I used to make. They run around and "correct" other people and toss scriptures about. Its sad really, because they cannot see that others perceive them as proud, boastful, hypocritical, weak and narrow-minded.

To those who say that prayer is the solution...I cannot agree. This is because I have heard people pray very selfish and vengeful prayers upon others. So the answer cannot simply be prayer. I believe that a hefty dose of humility is the answer. Only humility will allow you to learn something from a situation in which you were the one being "attacked"...instead of you feeling as if you need to school someone else. And only humble prayers & humble actions will bring about the kind of change thats truly worthwhile. Time and time again throughout history we see that its not those who simply stand up that make change. But its when truly penitent people stand up that real things start to happen. Oh and one more thing...its not that we should even want things to simply change. Shouldn't we want those who change to love and respect us after all is said and done? And what virtue most often generates respect? Again, only humility accomplishes that!"