Hey, here is an email I recently sent a friend of mine...or should I call her a colleague. Its sad that I even have to have these discussions with people who are supposed to be my friends. I guess this is why you have to choose your friends wisely, and not allow common cirmcumstances choose your friends for you. Instead let the integrity of the person be your guide. And integrity is such a lost quality these days.
-Darlene
"You know Jesse, I know that you and I are not very close, but I am going to be sincerely honest with you about something. Its been very hurtful to me that I always hear about events happening either after the fact or in some other outside way. Like this event for example. I was not invited...and I am only now being invited because you mistakenly mentioned it to me. Its very, very hurtful to me. I don't blame you personally, but I do want to mention it to you because its so apparent in this instance.
I am not sure why I am being excluded from many events that our Asolo friends are having. I am not sure if its because I am not liked amongst the group. I am not sure if its because I have done something that has made the group upset with me. And I would really like to know why this is happening. I wish that someone would come forward and just be honest and tell me what I have done that has caused this type of reaction amongst the group. It would be alot easier for me to release these friendships if I could just pinpoint some reason why I am being excluded.
As it stands, I feel as if I am reaching out for all of your friendship but am being rejected. I call people. I email people. I invite folks out...and I rarely if ever get responses. And all I can say is that it hurts very much. I am not afraid to say that I am the type of person who needs love and support and friendship, and that I need to feel as if I matter to someone. As you know, this is a very difficult city to survive in. Its so blatantly apparent that we are only ever numbers here, and that no one really gives a damn about anyone else. That being said, I am a thousand miles away from my family and the only people who really care about me. So when I am not included in things by the few people I call friends in this city, it hurts all the more. And I can only wonder if you all really are my friends...or if you are merely colleagues. I can accept that you are only colleagues & buzz off, if that is the way that you all view me. And maybe I am being immature, or a bit naive or just overly sensitive...but I just want to express to you how I am feeling. Its hard. Very hard.
For that reason, I am going to have to turn down your invitation to attend this gathering. A long time ago, one of my mentors said to me, "Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated." And I believe that sentiment with all my heart. I do not want to be invited someplace because you mistakenly told me about it and now you are in some way obligated to invite me. I want to be welcomed with everyone. I want to be included with the group...and not invited as an afterthought. I appreciate your pity or kindness or whatever emotion it was that caused you to invite me, but I guess maybe that I am becoming a little callous now that this has been going on for a while.
And I really don't want you to feel attacked or like I am being cynical. That is truly not my intention. I just want to be extremely honest and forthright. And I feel as if I have to say to someone that I notice what is happening. Its not covert or secret. I have noticed for a while. I always hear about these things by some type of mistake...just as you mistakenly mentioned this event to me. So, have a nice time at your gathering. I am sure it will be wonderful, and all the pieces will be exceptional. I think that our group of friends is amazingly talented in ways that even we don't yet know or appreciate. I have always tried to show that I supported you all wholeheartedly & champoined your artistic endeavors. I wish that circumstances were different and that I was invited with the group, because I know that I would have had a blast hearing you all. But I cannot come to the gathering under these circumstances. And I hope this exceedingly long email explains why."
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