A letter to my nephew.

I wrote this letter to my nephew who is thinking of what he wants to do after high school. After weeks of him brushing me off...I felt the need to directly address how I was feeling about the subject. Some might say its too tough. Some might say that I need to back off. But I hold the firm belief that the last thing we need to do with these little bozos is cut them some slack. These kids are killing each other in the streets. Knocking each other over the head with 2X4's...like last week in Chicago. And I certainly am not going to sit around and patty cake with my nephews future. He is not going to be some statistic on the evening news. He has to know what life is about. He has to know the truth.

My sister, his mother, always accuses our mom of never being honest with her as a youngster. And in some cases she is right. But what my brilliant sister has done in response to that is visit that same silly tactic on her own kids. Case in point...her oldest son signed up for the marine corps before even graduating last year and then ran off and eloped with some dumb girl none of us knew. Talk about knocking someone over the head. Thanks to my sister, life is going to slug those two fools over the head real soon...if it hasn't already! Meanwhile she rolls blissfully along, saying nothing, and pretending that a serious can of life whoop ass is not about to be visited on these two youngsters.

So my younger nephew, who has no clue what he wants to do in life, and whom my sister is pleasantly not requiring that he make any decisions, is pandering from day to day. Its driving me up the wall. And this letter is was my way of expressing that to him...

"Thanks Roy,

I'm going to send you one final email I have remaining from another top culinary college in Miami, and then I'm going to leave you alone about all this. Everyone thinks I'm being too hard on you, and they want me to leave you alone. And you won't even talk to me anymore or return my calls. So I am going to leave you alone about going to college. But Roy, I am going to be honest with you...no matter how hard I am on you, and no matter how hard you might have to work to get your college materials together while maintaining your school work...this is the EASIEST life is going to be for you from now on!! The day after you graduate, life is going to knock on your door, and you won't have any choice but to answer it. I'm not saying that you have to know what you are going to do for the rest of your life...but you do have to know what you're going to do next! In as little as 9 months, you are going to have to figure out how to pay your own bills and how to take care of yourself. You'll have no guarantees that anyone is going to be there to hold your hand.

Its time to wake up. The system hates our young black men. The system does not want you to succeed...thats why they bombard you with nonsense movies and music. They want you to buy into a dream so that you don't achieve anything in reality. You will see really soon that the only one who really cares if you truly succeed is YOU!!! You have to decide if the life you're living now is what you want. You see the choices your mom is making. You see the choices that Auntie Anita is making. At one point they were 17 too. At one point they had a clean slate and the choice of what they wanted to do in life. Poor choices got them right where they are. Learn from the choices that the people around you have made. If you think that moving forward in life with only a high school diploma is what you want to do, then fine. You know I love you. I will always love you. But it makes me sick to think that you might do nothing with all the talents God has given you. I am not going to support you if you choose to let your potential die. You are a bright and fascinating young man. You could be anything you want - a master chef, doctor, engineer, writer, entertainer, teacher, lawyer, bank ceo...ANYTHING! I believe in you, Roy! But what I can't do is force you to believe in yourself.

You know, I had to bust my butt to dig myself out of that poverty lifestyle down there. No one put me through school. No one paid for me. No one did my homework or took me to Valencia to get my apps together. NO ONE HELPED ME ROY!!! And thats the truth. I had to fill out my applications on my own. Grams did not even want to give me her tax forms so I could get finanacial aid. She didn't want to help me fill out the applications. She didn't take me to turn them in. I had to get on the bus and go by myself. I had to stand in the lines at Valencia by myself, and ask strangers if they knew where I was supposed to go...it was so hard!! One day I was in the office at Valencia crying and crying...all by myself...because I didn't have any help and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. But I made it through. I did it all on my own. And I was your same age when I did it. But I was self-motivated to get something in life for myself. I made the decisions and did all that work for myself. I didn't let other people choose what I was going to be. I was not afraid to work hard. God gave me enough strength to make it through too...cause he knew that I couldn't depend on none of them mugs down there. (Now I love them. They are my family. But one thing I can't stand about them is that they don't have any dreams for themselves. And if they do have dreams, then they don't care enough to work hard to accomplish those dreams. And worst of all, none of them helped me when I had a dream.)

I love you, and I only say all this because no one else in the family is going to say it to you. They don't want to pressure you. But I believe in tough love. I believe that a young person can only accomplish what you demand of them. So I place a high demand on you. Because you have the potential to accomplish alot. And I also gotta tell you the truth, Roy...if you don't continue your education after high school, there are only a few options open to you for a prosperous future. Thats the truth! Black men have it harder than anybody else in this world. You are going to have to fight if you want to be something great. You are going to have to work twice as hard as all your little friends. You are going to be faced with twice as many obstacles as them, simply because you are a young black man. And I'm not just saying this...this is the truth! Yeah, if you just have a diploma, then you might get a job...but it'll be something menial and meaningless...where other people tell you what to do and how long you get to eat lunch and whether or not you'll work on Christmas day. And you wont get promoted like you deserve, and you wont get raises like you deserve. This is the time when you get to decide if that kind of life is going to be enough for you, or if you want more than that. If you are going to have more than that, then you are going to have to go out and grab it for yourself. Its not easy at all. In fact its really really hard. But you'll be better off for pushing yourself.

You're a man now. Welcome to real life. It starts right now. Society does not want to see black men succeed. All the odds are stacked against you. You are going to have to fight to make something great of yourself. And you CAN do it! Its just not going to fall into your lap. Nothing great ever just falls into your lap. You have to work for it!

Finally, I want you to know that it hurt my feelings that my offer to help you and my encouragment have been met with attitude from both you and other people in the family. And you're old enough to know when you hurt other people's feelings. But at the end of the day, its all good. I got my 3 degrees. I may not be rich, but I am living my dream...which not alot of people can say! My future is bright, and you can believe that I am only a few steps away from realizing everything I dreamed of when I was a kid. Ask your mom if she can say the same!! I begged your mom to let you come and spend time with me when I was in grad school. I even begged her to let you come up here to NYC. There was so much I wanted you to see. But no one down there cares if you broaden your horizons and see the world. And believe me, Roy, its a wide wide world out there. There are amazing things in this world that will blow your mind. I want you to see it all Roy! I want you to get out there and see how splendid this planet is...and how many options you actually have!!!

But now its all up to you. I've said my piece. If you need my help, you know my number. I long to help you in any way that I can. But I am not going to push you anymore, because everyone down there is against it. And also because ever since Josh went into the marines I have learned that it doesn't matter what I do. You guys are going to do what you want to do regardless. But if you need anything - anything at all - I'm here for you. I love you. I see your potential. But I can't make you want to go to college. And I can't make you want more for yourself than you have. All I can do is pray that you make the right decisions.

Love,

Auntie Dar"